(via the usually-political Diary of an Anti-Chomskyite)

1. My uncle once: sued my parents over a business venture.
2. Never in my life: been anything remotely resembling a good athlete.
3. When I was five: I wrote my first poems.
4. High School is: an affront to teenagers' dignity.
5. My parents are: loved (mother and stepfather) and discarded (father and stepmother).
6. I once met: director John Waters in Baltimore's Penn Station. I told him that I thought it was endearing that he took Amtrak like the normal people, instead of flying first class everywhere. He said, in the tone you would expect: "Heh, normal — that's me."
7. There's this girl I know who: had sex with eleven men in a row (her estimate — I wasn't there to count them). And no, I won't tell you her name.
8. Once, at a bar: I accidentally sprayed piss all over my shorts and hid behind a column until it dried out.
9. Last night: I finally finished "The Wealth and Poverty of Nations; terrific and opinionated.
10. Next time I go to church: will be a wedding or funeral, as usual
11. When I turn my head left, I see: cookbooks that might help me turn this mahi mahi and bok choy into something tasty
12. When I turn my head right, I see: my "tech" bookshelf — bottom shelf read, top unread
13. How many days until my birthday? about half a year, and I wish there was some way to postpone my 30's.
14. If I was a character written by Shakespeare I'd be: ... no freaking clue.
15. By this time next year: I will be under 200 pounds for the first time in 8 years.
16. A better name for me would be: I'm fine with "Joe", although the "Facche" alter ego seems to rear his head.
17. I have a hard time understanding: bigotry.
18. If I ever go back to school I: will probably start smoking pot again
19. You know I like you if: I make any efford to spend time with you
20. If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: Petunia, my childhood dog.
21. Take my advice: you're not a broke college kid anymore — stop drinking shit beer.
22. My ideal breakfast is: Pancake Patry, motherfuckers!
23. If you visit my hometown: say a little prayer that it doesn't become Crown Heights Lite
24. Why won't someone: come of of the closet in a major American sport? (No, WNBA and figure skating don't count.)
25. If you spend the night at my house: please put the toilet seat and cover down, so that Miju doesn't drink out of the toilet.
26. I'd stop my wedding: if enough trusted people told me it was a terrible idea.
27. The world could do without: religious fanatics.
28. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: do something simply because "God" said so.
29. Paper clips are more useful than: coat hangers, for scraping resin.
30. If I do anything well, it is: being different.
31. And by the way: Israel's going to win. (OK, I copied this answer from the blog where I found this quiz.)

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